I'm Drowning

When I think I'm going under, part the waters Lord.
When I feel the waves around me, calm the sea,
When I cry for help, oh, hear me Lord and hold out Your hand.
Touch my life, and still the raging storm in me.

My arms and heart are still open, but I cant make you step forward, instead you step back. Moving on are we? Am I already the past? Are you turning your back on the one who's shoulder you've cried on many times? Sure you've been through pain, but pain comes in different forms. What pain you never felt, I am drowning in. Don't tell me you are moving on, just leave, don't make it worse...

But my arms and heart are still open...

In The Arms of Pain

Pain once again holds me in his arms.
His tears run their cold fingers down my cheek.
He caresses my face with a chilled stroke.
He pulls at the strings of my heart.
Never given permission, he just took me.
In a rape of my emotions, he stole something from me.
He stole my day, he stole my smile.
In his arms I lay.
Cold.
Alone.
Surrounded.
He holds my hand, he kisses my palm.
He steals my breath.
Pain holds me in his arms.

Good Grief!

Why does is seem that my emotions are the axle on which everyone's emotions around me swings? If I don't feel like doing something, thats all it is! I am not slipping into depression, I am not mad at you, and I am not hiding my true feelings! I simply don't feel like doing something!! Puh-leeze! You can have a good day without me! You can smile without me having to smile first! You can live without me!!! Do I really have that much power over you that I can change your whole day by just not feeling like talking?

Go Away!!

Sometimes I feel like I am being suffocated by the close and intimate acquaintances that are in my life. I love them all, and care deeply for them all. However, a little time alone (preferably even on my own bed which constantly seems to be occupied by previously addressed persons) would be greatly appreciated. I may be very out going and sociable, but I need my down time to make up for it. Ever since I was little I would go outside and walk around on the big piece of land we own and simply be. I even miss talking to myself! (something I am very good at)
I suppose that such sacrifices are expected. My mom and I over break had a great conversation about the things that a leader misses out on. Such as their own shoulder to cry on. Or their own person to turn to when they are confused. I cant always be the ear, occasionally I need to be the mouth.

Therefore, if I may be so rude....

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

In The Beginning...

Well.
Here I go, starting another blog. I feel like my Xanga has been turned into a form of social interaction by my friends. I feel constricted by my audience. Only writing what I know will not hurt feelings or offend acquaintances. If I cant write about what I am actually thinking and feeling, then whats the use of writing at all? Hopefully I can keep this blog out of sight for a while...